Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Completely Chilled

My mom called after she read my last blog post and said I need to chill. So that's what I've been doing. And she was right.

The recent list of "chill" things:
  • Read two books in one week. The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. Both were completely refreshing in their own ways. Now my reading addiction is back and I'm feeding it.
  • A few Orem Owlz games. They're a minor league team here. Not as good as the Cardinals, but still baseball and still mind cleansing.
  • Writing in my journal again. I finished my old one and it took me nearly a month to get a new one (thanks mom). It's amazing how many of my prayers are answered through writing. So cool.
  • Celebrating the age of 21 like there's no 22. At my internship, I got to photograph a service project with horses and disabled kids. Then at work, the boys all sang to me when I walked in and we had pizza and an ice cream cake. Next came a delicious dinner at Guru's in downtown Provo with fabulous company followed by an ice cream bar from the ice cream truck. You can still eat those happily when you're 21, especially if the boys chase it down for you. After we downed the ice cream, we headed to the ghetto batting cages and did our best to not strike out. Ice blocking came next with few injuries and a night full of laughter. To top it all off, we played up the river down the river and hung out until 3 a.m. Heavenly Father has surrounded me with amazing people, as usual.
  • Zip lining at a ropes course, boating, karaoke-ing, concert-ing, driving with the top down, working out, playing tennis, playing cards, watching 24, observing the local larpers, working hard and then playing harder, etc. etc. etc.

A few of the things mentioned above happened before the chill advice, but I'm counting them anyway. I miss my family as always, but I have a family here, too. In the back of my mind will always be mountains full of questions about my future, but I'm letting them hibernate there for now and living my summer rather than my fears.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Timing really is everything

There's a reason why a cliche becomes a cliche. It's because it's true. Don't judge a book by it's cover, love is blind, the pot calling the kettle black. Right. People say them because there's no better way to explain something that everyone understands. Every language, culture and religion has their own cliches. It's because they work; they resonate. But sometimes they aren't enough.

Lately I've become fixated on the concept of timing. Actually, let me backup. I've always been obsessed with time. I plan my days, my semesters, my years almost to the exact hour. But timing is different than time. Timing is everything, but time is fleeting. I can't schedule timing, but I can schedule my time. I'm writing in circles here.

So what do I do with something that is so indispensable, yet almost entirely out of my control?

"Someone has said that life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. Because of things over which we have no control, we cannot plan and bring to pass everything we desire in our lives," Dallin H. Oaks said.

Ok. So I should stop trying to plan everything. That's cool. Or should I just make plans and then adjust my life when they don't work out (which they rarely do)? I can do that. But eventually I'm going to need some constancy. Sometimes I feel like life is all curve balls, but if I expect a curve ball every pitch, then when that fast one down the middle comes, I'm destined to strike out.

"Do not rely on planning every event of your life - even every important event. Stand ready to accept the Lord's planning and the agency of others in matters that inevitably affect you," Elder Oaks said. "Plan, of course, but fix your planning on personal commitments that will carry you through no matter what happens. Anchor your life to eternal principles."

That I get. Really, I get it. But sometimes it's so hard for me to remember. If I'm doing the right things and if I trust the Lord's will and His timing, then life's not going to be what I planned, but better. And in the long run, that's a relief.

But seriously, what am I supposed to do right now? Or in the next month? Or in the next year? I hate not knowing. But luckily faith prepares us for whatever life brings.